Tuesday, January 27, 2015



Monday, January 26, 2015

Life is adjusting back to normalcy. But what is normalcy anyway? To me, normalcy is having croissants for breakfast, preparing lunch and dinner every day, and having beer anytime of the day. 

Somehow, I feel life back in Singapore quite distanced and lonely. School's just all about attending classes. And then meals are always at home. There's little interaction of any sorts. 

Maybe I just wished for the ability to meet new people so easily overseas. But yeah, it's not just Singaporeans fault per se. I'm also always unfriendly.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Wednesday, January 21, 2015


I wish for orange lights and a candle burning by the side. For a 500ml of Augustiner, or Wulle. For a huge table to put a laptop and sketches. And for Eagles to be playing the whole night.

What Is Reality?

Toro: Have you ever had that feeling – that you'd like to go to a whole different place to become a whole different self?

May: What you were just talking about... its kind of impossible for anyone to do that stuff, like, "OK, now I'm gonna make a whole new world' or 'OK, now I'm gonna make a whole new self.' That's what you think. You might think you made a new world or a new self, but you old self is always gonna be there, just below the surface, and if something happens, it'll stick its head out and say 'Hi'. You don't seem to realize that. You were made somewhere else.


Kumiko: Sometimes, though, I can't tell about things. I can't tell what's real and what's not real... what things really happened and what things didn't... Just sometimes, though...

Kumiko: How can I put this? There's a gap between what I think is real and what's really real. I get this feeling like some kind of little something-or-other is there, somewhere inside me... like a burglar is in the house, hiding in a wardrobe... and it comes out every once in a while and messes whatever logic I've established for myself. The way a magnet can make a machine go crazy.


Is the past real? Or is the present the only reality? Or, what is reality even? 

I think I might just go mad thinking about such things. So I go on with life by cooking, and reading and trying to be busy with school.

Am I forcing a change in my present identity with one that I deem suits me in the past?

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Coming back from Germany makes me feel like somehow something died within me. Like my iPhone, my Macbook and iPod. Something within me is dead. I can't seem to put accurate words to describe this feeling.

And all I want to do is to read my novel. Be in this self-enclosed world. And not deal with Singaporean problems – because honestly, I get annoyed hearing trivial Singaporean problems.

Monday, January 19, 2015


making our past fixed and our future unknown makes us secure in the present

time has no beginning and no end

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Good Times


Hi Prof, 

I am so sorry I was not able to inform you about me leaving sooner because I was settling a lot of administrative matters this last week. I'm leaving for Singapore tomorrow.

I am almost done with the designs for group for Corporate Design. I will continue to work on some parts that the team thinks need changes and I will try my best to assist them for the final presentation.

Thank you so much for assisting our group in this project. I really enjoyed the whole process and I really liked designing for the group! This is my favorite course in my ERASMUS term. Please continue to inspire students to do great works! You are a super and fun professor!

The international office informed us that it will be better if we get our results quick. I will really appreciate it if you could pass my results to the international office as soon as possible! 

Thank you for reading this email and I apologize once again for my delay in informing you about my case!



When one door closes, another opens.

One More Night in Stuttgart

It's the weirdest concoction of emotions. It's a mixture of nostalgia and indifference. I feel I don't innately belong here, but I wanna be here. It doesn't seem like I am here today, and gone tomorrow.


Maybe it's a little hard to explain this but I should try.

I guess on one hand, I feel there is no need to feel sad because realistically, I'm not exactly close with any of the friends I made here. Some probably will become really good friends if we hung out more, but there wasn't enough opportunities. So yeah I'm sad for that but I can't really do anything about it.

But on another hand, the intentional farewell dinners and hugs make things different. It involves some kind of emotion I didn't intend to dispense or reciprocate. And it made me wonder if these emotions are genuine - like would I actually feel this way if I didn't attend the farewell dinners? 

Maybe I'm just not sad because the reality of leaving hasn't seep in. Europe seem like just an hour drive away and there's always a next time. 

Monday, January 12, 2015

Last Five Days

So this is part of saying goodbye.

Last Days of Snow

A great end to my travels. Snow, hike, and beer. This exchange made me realise people are generous and I'm truly blessed. I want to be like that too.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Ten More Days

think I'm ready to leave. Not that I want to. But I think I'm ready.

I'm sitting now in school and its buzzling with activities. And I like that. I like being back to reality, and doing things normal people do. Having assignments and doing things you are passionate about.

And I want cheap school lunch. 

State of Mind

Can't believe I am so bummed about having to leave this place. 

But perhaps it's just a state of mind. I can't recreate the space - the weather, people and the culture - but I can change the way I view things. Maybe that's what I miss about most. 

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

Last Run

Went for run today and it just struck me that I'm leaving this country soon. It possibly might be the last run here, no? I'm heading to Salzburg in 2 days. And then I'll be back for 5 days and then heading to Frankfurt and back to Singapore. Just one more week. I wanna head down to a German bar tonight and drink all the beer I can.

I was just thinking last night about the stupid things I have to fussed when I am back in Singapore. Trivia issues I'll fret over and it really sucks. Aber alles ist gut. I'll be chill and cool. Don't complicate things. Be German.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014


I've been on various trips in Germany but I think this is the most pivotal. It just opened a perspective in me I really want to take home and live it out. 

I haven't been traveling like how the other Singaporeans have been but I don't feel a sense of regret. I don't want to be always on the go and visiting major cities but I wanna stay with people and interact with them. I think that's the main thing about traveling. 

I think what I learnt from Nik's is to live your life honestly and doing things that you truly enjoy. There's no need to force out some kind of interest in things you don't really care. And it doesn't have to be anything difficult. It can be simple things like cooking or drawing or anything. I wanna really do things I like and not feel that I always need to be kicked in the butt by obligations to do something?

Germans are always so passionate in their decisions. Whether being vegetarians, fighting for a certain right. These decisions are decisions they make themselves and not really influenced by peer pressure? I don't know it's just different, you know, how they decide to endorse a certain belief? They follow something and they don't feel a need to account to anyone but themselves. The integrity of their belief is only upon themselves. 

And there's this lack of need to always be on social media. There's always real communication here. Social media and instant messaging spoils that. Yeah it's gonna be hard but I don't want to be always caught up in social media. 

And art. I wanna pursue art when I can. Always be inspired. Always creating. Never allow school or anything to deter me from experimenting or try. Art in any sense.

I like this honest German lifestyle.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

What is Greed?

Person 1: "When you see around the globe the mild distribution of wealth, the desperate plight of millions of people in undeveloped countries... When you see so few haves and so many have nots, when you see the greed and the concentration of power with it, did you ever have a moment of doubt of capitalism? And whether greed is a good idea to run on?"

Milton Friedman: "Well first of all, tell me is there some society that doesn't run on greed? You think Russia doesn't run on greed? You think China doesn't run on greed? What is greed?"

Friday, December 12, 2014


Today I woke up learning that my cousin-in-law's mother has passed on. It's really unexpected for me because I saw her just a year back and she was healthy, joyful and so helpful. She isn't young, but she was still so full of energy then.

And it got me thinking about my own parents, aunt and uncle. I think that's the reason why I cannot relocate myself somewhere else to work. I know I will regret if I pursue my own dreams at the expense of spending less quality time with them in their last few decades of life.

I think sometimes we gotta stay rooted. We need to remember. We need to prioritise.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

You Deserve

What I've been up to in the recent. It's fun reworking on old projects.

Thursday, November 27, 2014


when it seems eternal, you don't cherish.
when it's ephemeral, you cherish.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

“Simple is as simple does”.

Who is he that can define what is complex? Who is he that can say another is poor and queer? It is the flawed that points out the flaws of another. Simplicity is a matter of perspective.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Color Pencil Portraits

I've been doing some color pencil portraits since I went to Berlin. As enjoyable and fun as it is, I usually get pretty irritated with the outcome because I hate how my drawings look nothing like the subject. I really want to draw well. But I know it's gonna take more than these sketches but years of practice. Maybe when I am old, I can start learning about art again. Working with oil paint and huge canvasses because I have all the cash and time in the world (well, before I die).

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Mornings in Stuttgart

There's a certain charm when you're up at 5.30 in the morning in Stuttgart. The air is cold and you're snuggling under your comforter. There're some lights turned on opposite your apartment, but mostly people are asleep. Death Cab for Cutie is playing in the background, and you're in the mood for some essay writing.

It's the same solitude I had when I was in the army. Only the weather is much better. Much.

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Home Cooked

Some days you have dinner. And other days you have really good dinner.

Shallow Tourists

Just penning some thoughts.

It's interesting why people visit those tourist spots, no? I am currently planning my trip to Paris. I had the Louvre, various museums and food places on the itinerary and then suddenly I realised I haven't include the Eiffel Tower. To be honest, I didn't intend to visit it because the main reason to go to Paris for me is to visit the Louvre. But, you know, since you're there at Paris, you might as well just drop by the famous Eiffel Tower, no?

So I mapped the Eiffel Tower on Googlemaps and was admiring the grandeur of the structure. And then I realised, wait, there are so many chinese taking pictures in front of the structure. Do they even know what is the significance of this building? Are they just there to feel fulfilled that they have visited the icon of Paris? And then I stopped judging others and judged myself. Do I know what is the significance of the Eiffel Tower?

It's so interesting. Such a famous structure with so much history but no one knows what it means.

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Ich Habe Hunger

Garlic Soup
 Yay Rockets!!!
 Nothing goes wrong with bacon and eggs. Nothing.
 Healthy dinner at Franzi's. It was a great night.
 Broccoli suppe mit kartoffel und bratwurst
 "Homemade" Pizza
 Maggie mit Bak Choi mit Ei mit zwiebel oil
 Granny's cake mit jam
 Chicken curry + Baked pasta + Eggs
 ROCKETS!!! With makeshift french toast.
 Never goes wrong. Doner.
 Pumpkin Soup that fits a tupperware.
 Schnitzel mit Käse Spätzler
  Pumpkin soup with some kind of pasta (haha, I don't remember)
 Malay snack! Haha
 Chicken competition with Polish girls!
 Pumpkin Soup with raisin bread.
 Thai Basil Chicken Fried Rice with Shallots.
 Comfort food. Chicken Porridge with eggs and bak choy!
This is how burgers should be. With Rockets.
 Really good Tom Yam with Thai Basil Beef Noodle.
 Pesto Pasta
 MSG filled porridge. Wasn't that great.
 Fried potato skin + pasta for cow. Rockets!!
Fried potatoes + mushrooms + ROCKETS!