somedays i wonder how my life would be described if it was written into a novel. i am sure a little shocking for one. and conventional. boring old things. human. trying to fit into social norms and fighting to not conform all at the same time. and inhuman. and selfish. and crude.
and music. what would it be? every novel nowadays introduces some sort of music. what would mine be? and art, and philosophies? do i like the smiths? or i choose to listen to them because it's the right thing to listen to 80s alternative music now. i mean, they didn't build any form of identity in the past did they? if that is the case, then i suppose christina aguilera would be a better choice. but she's fat and ugly and doing trashy music now it doesn't give a good impression about me. so is the smith a good illustration of my characterisation?
if this was analyzed during a literature class what would people say about me? what would my characterization be? if i could just float in the class without having people to know my presence, would their analysis be accurate? would i understand myself better at the end of the class?
sometimes during a literature class, i nod along to insightful analysis of the text. i feel fulfilled and wise like i finally understood humanity. but then when i personalize these thoughts, they become distant like they do not belong to me anymore. i understand them when i analyze characters. but i don't understand me. i don't understand myself.
i wanna be like oscar wilde and mother theresa but yet be myself all the same time, you know?